Everybody has some story
by UmeBlossom
Summary: Everybody has some story and Jake doesn't make an exception. Before he goes on Pandora, he has everything one can dream about... till the accident changes his life... as well as hers. Rated M just in case... OC
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N Hi!**_

_**I don't own Avatar... but I'd like to.**_

_**The story takes place during the movie. RDA's given Jake more than 3 months, he' mated with Neytiri but RDA hasn't ruined the forest yet. I'm veeery sorry if there's grammar mistakes but English isn't my first language and I'm trying really hard.**_

Chapter 1

I woke up at the middle of the night to find Jas curled into a ball, sleeping next to me. He was holding his Teddy-bear tightly and his blonde hair was all damp with sweat. '_Nightmare again'_ I thought as I watched him sleeping. I couldn't blame him… after all that happened I would have nightmares too if I was him.

"Wake up, honey, you have to go to _your_ bed." I said softly, stroking his hair. As much as I wanted him to stay, to hug him and comfort him, I knew he should go to his bed. He was five after all and it was time for him to grow up. To be more like… his father.

That thought made my heart ache and my stomach contract painfully. So I tried not to think about it.

"Mom, please. Just for tonight" Jas pleaded with half-closed eyes. He was so sleepy, I felt bad for waking him.

"You've said that before" I lifted him easy because he wasn't heavy at all. He protested at first but then he fell asleep again. I sighed softly and walked down the hallway to his room.

The door was wide open, so I wouldn't wake him up again, trying to open it. I came into the room and put him in his bed, bending over the wooden barrier. But when I started to withdraw, I saw that his tiny hand was gripping my nightgown.

I smiled at his sleeping face and gently put his hand away. I remembered Jake used to do exactly the same…

Jas made some sweet sleepy sound and turned to the side. Taking a deep breath I walked out the room. I needed some sleep myself… I was so tired.

…

Today was the day. Jas was so excited it was comical to watch him. But I…I was nervous. I didn't have time to enjoy my son's amusing behavior. I had first to pack everything and then call Samantha. I've already told her, well not everything but almost, so she would come here sometimes to take care of the plants and clean the house. Until we come back. '_If we come back…_' I thought sadly.

"Jas, will you need your Teddy-bear?" I asked him quietly.

He stopped dead in his tracks, turned over and looked into my eyes as if I was asking him 'Oh, hey, by the way, do like strawberry ice cream?' It was just so funny…I rushed to him and lifted him high in the air, smiling lovingly.

"Okay, I get it. You need it"

"Of course I do, mom. You didn't even have to ask" he responded sounding more like an adult than like the child he was.

Jas was matured beyond his years, which made me worried sometimes. He was just so…so like his father. Not all the time but there were moments in which I could see Him in Jas… it was painful but it made me proud at the same time.

I sighed and put him back down on the floor, smiling all the time. "Do you want to help me?" I offered and he nodded eagerly. "Okay, make a list of what you want to take with you. And then put all the things into your trunk."

"Yes, sir" he saluted and rushed to his room, as I laughed softly.

Through all these years I have never felt sorry for giving birth to Jas. Not even once. Even though I knew I'll have to raise him alone without his father, without any help, even though it hurt sometimes.

"Mom" I heard Jas's voice from the other room. "How long we'll be there?"

I took a deep breath. How could I answer his question, when I didn't know it myself? And he had SO many questions…uncomfortable ones.

"I…I don't really know, honey" I confessed, biting my lip.

"No, I was talking about the time we will spend on the space ship…" I swallowed a laugh at his childish comment; he was so cute. I walked down the hallway to his boyish blue room and opened the wooden door. It was such a mess there, although I remember cleaning it yesterday.

"A few years, honey…nearly six" I responded, picking up some of his toys. "Will you take Mr. Bun and Mrs. Bunny with you?"

"A few years!?" his wide childish eyes got even bigger. I smiled at him and squatted down.

"You won't even feel them passing." I promised, petting his hair. Jas was looking at me in disbelieve. "So…You won't take Mr. Bun and Mrs. Bunny with you?" I teased "Okay, I'll just put them…"

"No mommy! I'm taking them with me!" he protested and I gave him the buns, chuckling softly. He put them in the trunk and then continued litter his room, throwing things everywhere.

I sighed and went to my bedroom where I had left my trunk unpacked. There were clothes on the bed, I wasn't even sure will I need them. I knew I won't be in my original body most of the time but… I had to ask Grace as soon as we arrive on Pandora.

I phoned Samantha and told her to come home every Sunday and water the plants, although I wasn't sure will we ever come back… and if so, when.

Then I put my and Jas's clothes in the trunk and left a long and tearful letter to my mother. She was against all this but I didn't intend to consider her opinion. She hated science in general.

"Honey, come on, it's time to go" I exclaimed, knowing he's still in his room, taking his goodbye with the house and everything. Sometimes I felt bad for leaving him with no choice just because he's a child. I had become one of those mothers that move from place to place, because of their job, taking their child away from their friends and loved ones. I had become just like my mother…

But that wasn't all. Not only I was separating Jas from the only home he ever had and from all of his friends, but I was taking him on other planet. No place for a human child to be…

It was just that I didn't have the strength to leave him here to my mother. And I… secretly, in the very bottom of my heart, I hoped his father will be happy to see us – me and his son, who he didn't know about yet.

"I'm coming, just saying goodbye" he responded and then I heard stamps on the wooden floor.

Jas jumped into my arms and cuddled up. He was definitely the best thing that ever happened to me. I only hoped Jake will think the same…

_**TBC**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N I don't own Avatar**_

_**I need help, I mean an edditor. Someone who is a native speaker and can help me with the stupid grammar mistakes I make. If there is a volunteer... I would be veeeery grateful. **_

Chapter 2

Everything in front of me was concrete. I couldn't see anything green. As if I was on Earth… people have ruined so much of this planet, like they have ruined our home.

Grace was talking to me but I couldn't hear her, because of the helicopter. The sound was thunderous. It made me want to put my hands on my ears and scream. But I couldn't…

Jas was sleeping like a dead in my arms, although I didn't know how it was possible with all that noise around us. He must be really tired.

In the helicopter there was a man. He took Jas, so I could climb in with Grace's help, of course.

"Where are we going?" I asked, turning to her.

"In the Hallelujah Mountains." She said, taking Jas in her arms. "Is this him? God, he sure is grown up." Grace smiled at his sleeping face, then turned to me and gave me a reproaching look.

"That's none of your business." I murmured before she even said how wrong I am. Yes, I was wrong and I knew it but it was a painful subject I didn't want to discus. Besides, we weren't alone. There were two more persons I didn't even know.

"Andy, this is Norm." Grace noted then turned back to Jas, still sleeping on her knees. She was looking at him as if he was the most amazing thing in the world. For me, he was but… It was unusual for her to be like this.

I smiled and shook Norm's hand, which he'd held up for me a minute now.

"How's your na'vi?" he asked, smiling friendly to me.

"Oh… I had to learn na'vi?"

Grace turned her head to me giving me the 'you can't be serious' look. Norm stared at me in disbelieve. I bit my lower lip but finally it was too much and I gave up, bursting with laughter. "You… you had to see your faces!"

"Andy, it's really not funny!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know…" I couldn't stop chuckling but at least I was quiet.

…

I don't remember most of the flight. I remember only green rain forest but I didn't see the details. I was so nervous and eager at the same time. All I could think about was the meeting with Jake later that day.

"Andy," Grace called softly "I think there's something you should know."

I turned right, so I could face her. And I didn't like what I saw. She looked so worried and…nearly as nervous as me.

"What is it?" I whispered as if I was in a library. She looked away immediately.

"We're there" I heard a voice from the front seat. I looked around with a mix of curiosity and amazement. The mountains were unbelievably beautiful. Not something you see everyday. I've read Grace's book but this here was… well, I wasn't prepared for it.

Less than two minutes later, the helicopter touched the ground. I came down and took Jas in my arms. It was time to wake him up, even though I knew he prefer to sleep.

"Honey…" I whispered softly, stroking his hair despite the mask he wore, which didn't allow me much freedom. "It's time to open your eyes."

"Are we there…on Pandora?" he asked quietly, barely awake. I smiled and nodded in agreement. I saw his eyes widen. He looked around us and his face was the same as mine…awed.

"There" Grace pointed and my glance went straight to the shacks in front of us. They were as big as buses and grey; Airlift Modules. They looked ugly among the plants of the mountain.

"Hey," I heard the same voice that announced our arrival. "Andy, right? I'm Trudy."

"Nice to meet you" I smiled but I couldn't shake her hand, because Jas was still in my arms. She returned the smile and headed for the entrance of the base. "So…this is our pilot?" I asked Grace.

"Yes." She answered shortly. "You'll get used to."

I nodded and entered the shack. It was a little dark inside but someone turned on the lights. Jas was already deep asleep, when Grace and I reached our room. He gripped my blouse and made a sweet sleepy noise. I loved that.

"Here. Put him here" Grace said pointing to something that looked like an open, white coffin. It had to be a link.

I put him in and covered him with a blanket, then took away his mask. I did the same with mine and gave my full attention to Grace, who was waiting for me to listen.

"You were about to say something…" I reminded, looking into her eyes, now that her face wasn't covered with a mask. She sighed and looked away… again. "Grace? What's wrong?"

"Go take a shower. You need one" she said and turned to the sleeping Jas.

"Thank you very much" I replied sarcastically and rolled my eyes. She was so nice when she wanted to…

"I'm serious. Go take a shower, then eat something. We'll talk later." I could say from the tone of her voice that it was the end of the conversation. I sighed in acquiescence. "Okay, where's the bathroom?"

"There" she pointed the door a few steps away from me, 10 o'clock.

"Fine… so I'll take a shower first, then I'll eat and take care of Jas. He must be hungry." I said, taking off my jacket. I hoped there was a kitchen with a cooker here for I hated micro waved food and I wasn't about to let Jas eat unhealthy.

"Don't worry. I'll make him fried eggs." Grace said, covering his shoulders with the blanket. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned slowly to her.

"Oh, no, you won't. You'll make him boiled eggs and you'll add vegetables. If you want to, of course." I objected. But Grace looked at me as if I was crazy.

"He's a child, Andy, and he's five. There's no need for you to be so overprotective. Besides, he'll like fried eggs with bacon better."

"I won't argue with you. He's my son. I'm not overprotective and it's definitely not your business." I replied, sounding a little harsher than I intended to. She knew nothing about me and Jas and everything I went through.

I don't think there was something wrong about me, caring about his health, especially when it was my responsibility to do so. I wasn't overprotective, I was just a mother and I acted like one.

Grace sighed and rose to her feet with raised hands. "Fine. Boiled eggs. But you are overprotective. I knew that the first second I saw you with Jas."

I rolled my eyes and finally went to the bathroom, touching my hair. I…I didn't need a shower so bad… right?

…

"So… this is my link?" I asked to make sure.

"That's right." Grace nodded. "You lie here, close your eyes and…"

"…try not to think. About anything" I interrupted impatiently like a little child. I couldn't wait any longer. I'd see Jake in less than an hour and I wanted to shorten the time left to our meeting as much as possible.

"Yes" she confirmed looking at me critically. "He's not going anywhere."

I sighted heavily and sat in the link. "I'll wake up in the lab, right?"

"Yes. Listen to the doctors there…but not like you listen to me" Grace replied sarcastically and I stuck my tongue at her childishly. "I'll be outside. I mean, my Avatar." She added.

I looked through the window one last time and saw Jas and Trudy, playing 'truth or dare'. I had nothing to worry about, he was safe with her. "I'm ready" I murmured and lay back. I lowered my sensor array over my body and closed my eyes. I felt Grace closing the hood too.

At first, it was hard to relax and not to think about anything. I just couldn't stop… but I tried really hard.

And then I started to feel weird. As if I was leaving my body… I mean, as if my _mind _and_ soul_ were leaving my body. I've never felt this way before…

Everything before my eyes was blur. I was hearing voices, calling my name, saying that I was in consciousness. The picture became in focus in a few seconds. I could see the doctors' faces clearly now.

"She's in."

I blinked against the strong light and sat up. God, I was so blue… I mean, I knew I'd be blue, but the shock was still there. I moved my arms and legs, and then touched my toes.

"Good." I heard the doctor's voice and looked at her.

"Can I stand up now?" I asked eager to put on some real clothes. I didn't really like this outfit… it reminded me of hospital too much.

"Yes." She said. "Doctor Augustine is outside. Dress up and come out."

I nodded and went to the cupboard, the doctor pointed to me. There were black shorts and a dark blue top on its surface. In the room there was a screen, so I hid myself behind it and took off the gown. Then I put on my new clothes and, already dressed properly, went outside.

It was bright and sunny. Somehow it looked like the sky was bluer than it was on Earth and the plants were greener.

"Oh…" that was Grace's voice definitely. I turned so I could face her. "I see you have no problem with the tail." She laughed playfully. Yeah, I was a little clumsy in my human body, but did she has to joke about it?

"And I see you look younger, granny." I replied, chuckling.

"Oh, that hurt!" she pretended to be very insulted but at the end she laughed quietly. "Now… it's time we did our job. I mean, you did your job" she announced with serious expression.

So… it was already time for work, end of the fun.

**_TBC_**


	3. Chapter 4

_**A/N I don't own Avatar**_

_**I'm back. I updated, but I'm almost sure it's full of mistakes... it's just that my edditor doesn't read it anymore, she has a lot to study... Anyway, I hope you like it =]**_

Chapter 3

"I know probably it's not time for this question but..." I began as we walked through the forest to the village.

"He's not there." Grace interrupted. "Don't worry; you have enough time to come up with a proper lie about Jas." She wasn't even looking at me, too concentrated on some thought.

"But why would I lie about him?" I asked confused. "I thought the father has the right to know. Jake definitely would want to know."

"Andy... maybe we should talk now."

I looked at her face. Even though it was blue and slightly different, it still was her face and I could clearly see Grace's expression in every centimeter of it. Grace's worried expression, I have to add. But why, for god's sake? What was happening, that was bothering her so much?

"Something's wrong" I guessed like an idiot. Of course something was wrong, that was clear. The problem was I didn't have a clue what exactly. "Grace, what's the matter?" I pressed her, when I saw she was hesitating.

"It's about Jake. Something I had to tell you long ago...well, maybe not _so long_ ago."

"Grace."

She was pissing me off. Grace was never like that, she was usually direct and curt; she was never prevaricating. Then... something serious has happened for her to act this way.

"Andy, Jake went through a lot of... things." She turned her head to me and looked at my eyes. "He's different now."

"Yeah, it's expected." I agreed cautiously and than became silent, showing her to continue.

But then something happened, something moved fast and I didn't really understand what's going on. One minute Grace and I were talking and the next there were direhorses in front of us. They were ridden by three na'vi females. I didn't even have time to become aware of all this.

"Tsu'tey is hurt by your people." Said the girl, standing ahead of the others. She was talking to Grace in na'vi, but I could easily understand her.

"Where is he?" asked Grace, sounding so angry, that I shivered.

"In the village. Mother says he won't make it till the next morning." The girl replied and then looked at me questionnaire. I felt a little uncomfortable but I didn't make a sound. I wasn't quite sure how to act with the natives yet. "Is this her?" the girl asked, turning her head to Grace.

"Yes." She responded shortly and looked at me. "You have basic medical education, right?" Grace asked in English.

"Yes." I answered unsure. "But... I don't think I can cope with that. I rally have _basic_ medical education"

"You have to." She said sharply. "Let's hurry."

'_Will we walk to the village_' was the question in my mind, I wasn't sure if I could ask. But the girl answered it anyway.

"Mount here" she said in English, pointing to the back of the direhorse. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to do what was asked of me. I had never ride a horse before, so I was really clumsy. The girl made a face and helped me; then without any warning of any kind, the direhorse started to move. Fast.

I felt sick. I closed my eyes, because it appears I had motion sickness and I couldn't stand the view of blurring forest before my eyes.

I guess we moved very fast, because we were in the village after less than ten minutes. Grace had told me about the na'vi village in the, so called, Home tree, but I've never saw it till now. It was huge, definitely bigger than Empire State Building back at home.

Actually, it was very beautiful, in my opinion. I couldn't take my eyes off of it, but then the girl, who had asked for help before minutes, turned her head to me and gave me a very strange look. A mix of curiosity and suspicion.

"Get down" she said firmly but quietly. I took a deep breath and tried to get down of this thing. Now I was certain I didn't like horses or horsemanship.

"Where is he?" I asked, reminding myself the little I knew from those unfortunate two years I had studied medicine. I was almost sure there was nothing I could do for him, but I ought to try.

"Come with me" the girl answered shortly and made for the entrance of the tree. I followed her without hesitation, seeing how everyone made room for her to walk freely. I didn't have time to think about it, but probably she was someone high in the hierarchy.

"Grace" I breathed out. If I was going to do this, I needed a nurse and without a nurse here, Grace could do too.

"I'm here." She said quietly, while we were walking to the place, where the roots were sparse. That was shooting at least, she was with me. We weren't as close as she and my mother were, but I could call her a friend.

We entered the Home tree and I saw that it was almost empty. There were only two females and someone, probably Tsu'tey, lying on the ground in the center, near something weird, reminding of spiral.

The older female rose up her head and looked at me; her eyes were filled with sadness. The other just stepped aside and turned to me, looking at the body on the ground. I saw that his eyes were closed and his chest was abnormally swollen.

"He is very weak. He breathes hard." the older woman said with tick accent, not taking her eyes of me the whole time.

I nodded, because apparently it was true. I made a few steps to him and kneeled near his torso. The left half of his sculpted chest was swollen, while the other one wasn't. I put a hand on it to check his breathing and heartbeat, but I didn't feel anything.

I got scared. So scared that the panic was obvious on my face and soon I felt Grace kneel near me. "Is it so bad?" she asked, whispering the words. I bit my lip, unable to answer.

Yes, it was so bad, but it seemed I just couldn't say it aloud. I closed my eyes for a moment and suddenly remembered that accident a few years ago. I didn't have to think too much – it was the same case here – Pneumothorax. And I knew almost perfectly what to do, because you can't forget such a thing. I had to make a hole near the edge of his third rib, so that the air could get out of the space around his lungs to make it possible for him to exhale normally.

"I need a knife" I whispered, searching for it meanwhile. The woman, standing on the other side of Tsu'tey, pointed something next to his head. There, among mass of ornaments, was lying a sheath. I took it and pulled out the knife. But I had to sterilize it first; I couldn't just make a hole into his chest with anything, hoping it won't get infected.

"Grace, hurry, I need fire to sterilize the knife" I said, the panic rising in my voice. I don't know exactly what she did, but there was a cigarette lighter in my hand in less than three seconds. I disinfected the sharp object and gave the lighter back to Grace. I put my hand on his chest searching for the edge of his third rib with my shaking fingers. "I need a cannula."

"Oh, yeah, I carry a cannula with me every time I go out. You know, just in case" she replied sarcastically, making me panic even more.

"Grace!" I exclaimed, looking at her in disbelief. "I can't do it this way... I-I... You can't expect from me to..."

"Relax!" she said, obviously annoyed by my sharp voice full of panic. "I'll call Norm, he's near the base." With that she vanished, leaving me scared and alone with no other choice but to wait. The problem was I couldn't wait.

Tsu'tey couldn't breathe and his face was convulsing with pain. I looked at his chest again – he already had a hole into it. From machine-gun, I guessed. That had to be the reason for the pneumothorax and I had to take care of the wound later. When he can breathe.

"Leave. I need everyone to leave" I said, looking at the two females in front of me.

"No." the older one said firmly. "I stay. I heal him, help you"

"Help me?" I bit my lip and nodded. Yes, I would need help at some point later. "But you go. The less people here, the better." She didn't even look at me, just left quietly.

I pressed down with my fingers and touched the tip of the knife to his skin. If I could wait patiently for the cannula, he couldn't. It was getting worse and I had to do something now. The knife slowly cut his skin and the red blood flowed, but I didn't stop. The hole had to be deeper, so that the air could get out.

Slowly, very slowly I felt him relax. His chest went down when he exhaled. A little smile appeared on my face, a smile of relief. That was enough, so I put a hand on his chest, where the hole was still open, and pressed hard.

"Grace, I need a thread and a needle." I said loud, looking at Tsu'tey's face. I didn't know what it was, but there was something captivating in his face.

"Yeah, I foresaw it" she replied from somewhere distant.

"Is he well now?" the woman asked and I could feel her intense gaze on me.

"No. He's just better, but nowhere near well" I said sincerely.

But then I felt something was wrong. He couldn't breathe normal again, although I was sure it was over with the pneumothorax. He was inhaling and exhaling but it was obviously hard for him to find the right rhythm.

"Tsu'tey?" I called him softly. "Tsu'tey, can you hear me?"

I had the feeling he was consciousness, but I was sure something was so wrong that he couldn't answer me.

I took his hand with shaking fingers and put it on my chest, where he could feel my breathing. I laid my hand gently on his, pressing it firmly to my skin. "Please don't die" I whispered. "Please breathe, breathe with me"

I don't know what got over me, but I had the feeling he _must_ live no matter what. I had seen so many people die in front of my eyes and it was the most painful sight in my life; I didn't want it to happen again.

"Breathe with me" I whispered, pressing his hand to my chest more firmly than before, while my other hand was lying on his, pushing down so that the wound won't open till Grace bring me a thread and a needle.

I never took my eyes of his face, watching carefully his expression. In some weird way, his pain brought me pain too. I didn't even know how or why, but suddenly my eyes were filled with tears. I realized it when one huge tear fell down on his chest and the woman before me asked quietly "Is he dying?"

"No." I answered loud and categorically. "You're not dying." I said to him. "Breathe with me, Tsu'tey, I know you can"

His warm hand was burning my skin and the sensation was like nothing I've felt before; it was like I could feel his energy, his blood pulsating through his veins, his desperate fight for life. I closed my eyes, realizing the importance of this few moments – he could live or die. It sounded so simple but it was so complicated indeed. He was young, there were many things he had to go through, many things he had to do... one life, no matter whose, was _the most important _thing in the world.

And somehow... his life was important to _me_.

Thump. 'Huuuh.'

He was breathing almost normally again. It was hard at first, but I didn't take his hand, letting him feel the right rhythm. A small smile spread across my face. I closed my eyes again, allowing myself to laugh in relief.

The woman that wanted to stay here the whole time looked at me as if I was completely out of my mind, so I stopped laughing and tried to look serious. I removed my hand from his, but he didn't take off his hand. I bit my lip, looking confused and surprised at the same time, but after a few seconds his arm dropped on the ground helplessly. He had to be very tired...

"They're here" said Grace, kneeling next to me. "And you've got your cannula, thread and needles in this box" she put the box down and opened it. There were also alcohol, lint, pincers, cotton, iodine, gloves and a lancet.

I looked questionnaire at her, but she just smiled a little. My eyes went down again, gazing into the contents of the box. I hoped I wouldn't need all this, but...

...

"Grace, I need X-ray apparatus" I said, touching gently his chest, almost sure he has a broken or crannied rib. It was either the third or the second, left, because he moaned in pain every time I press there.

"Well, I'm sorry, they closed the hospital" she replied annoyed. I sighed and pressed my hand to the center of his chest, between the two closed wounds. He was breathing normally again, there were no lacerates, no organs were hurt and I could say he's stable now. Except for that broken or crannied rib.

"I'm so sorry I can't help you any further." I whispered softly as if I was talking to a child. "I need apparatuses we don't have here at the moment, but I promise to do what I'm able to..."

"I take care of him now" said Mo'at. Grace told me about her, while I was sewing his wounds. "You helped us enough and for this we are thankful"

I nodded with respect now that I knew who she is.

"You may stay if you want." She continued. "You just promised to help him as much as possible, no?"

"I did." I said firmly but quietly.

"I will teach you how to gather herbs so that you keep your promise" Mo'at announced finally and went silent. I looked carefully at her with bewilderment in my eyes. Grace told me the natives aren't very hospitable to us anymore, although I didn't know what happened exactly, so her offer surprised me.

"I... I would be honored." I spoke under my breath.

"Very well" she smiled a little and kneeled near Tsu'tey. "Go take a break now, you must be very tired"

I nodded again and rose to my feet with Grace's help. We turned and set off for the exit or in this case – the space between the roots of the huge tree. I still couldn't believe what happened just a few seconds ago.

"Don't be so surprised" Grace said to me when we were almost at the exit. "Do you know whose life you saved?"

I shook my head. She hadn't told me, there was no chance for me to know this.

"Tsu'tey is very important to them, he's the next clan leader." She said, looking at my wide eyes. I had... I had spoken to him so casually? To the next clan leader? I had been so... neglect?

"Oh, come on, Andy, he's just the same as two minutes ago when you were talking soothing to him" she murmured, smiling at me.

"It's just the way I was talking to him..."

Grace laughed at me and patted my shoulder. I sighed and stepped outside the Home tree, letting the sun warm my colder than usual skin. I had the strange feeling of excitement as if millions of butterflies were flittering in my stomach.

Outside there were many children playing with each other, enjoying the day. I smiled widely and stood still to watch them. There were almost no adults here, except for one male na'vi, who was playing with two boys a few steps away from me and Grace. I could see only his backside at first but then he turned to me and I froze.

I felt shivers down my spine and suddenly I was very cold. He was standing there, looking at me with confusion. The children were tugging his arm, asking for his attention, but he was just as frozen as me.

"Jake..." my lips trembled.

_**TBC**_

**_I can't believe I forgot to say: THANK YOU! for your rewiews. You make me want to write even more! _**


	4. Chapter 5

_**A/N I don't own Avatar**_

**_This chapter took me more time than usual, because I'm lazier than usual. I hope there isn't much mistakes or typos, I gave it to my edditor this time. Enjoy :)))_**

Chapter 4

20th of May. Again. It was sunny and bright, warm and fresh. I could feel the sun rays touching my skin gently and the breeze ruffle my hair. Occasionally, my eyelids would flitter against the strong light and my teeth – bite my lip nervously.

I knew something was going to happen, I was sure of it. I could tell by the way he was trying so hard to act casually, the way he was talking to me as if he was keeping a secret he desperately wanted to share with me. I pretended to be blind and deaf for all this, but in my heart I knew something was about to change utterly.

"Hey, the ice-cream's going to flow down your hand" Jake said, smiling lovingly at me.

I shook my head slightly and looked at the lemon ice-cream I was eating from about half an hour now. A fluid yellow trickle was flowing from the edge of the funnel. I laughed shyly and trusted my hand into the bag I carried to find a handkerchief.

"You know" Jake continued, "we haven't been here for a really long time."

"Only four years." I replied, wiping the ice-cream from my fingers. "But I doubt that's the reason you took me all the way to Provence."

He smiled cryptically and turned his head away, making me even more suspicious. I narrowed my eyes and gave a small 'hmm', which he didn't hear.

We were walking down the street, near the filth with poppies in front of my granny's house. They were so beautiful to me mostly because they were about to disappear just like the other plants on our dying planet. And I had grown up with these poppies, with that old, old house...

"It's your birthday today. Isn't it a proper reason? A special one?" Jake interrupted my thoughts.

"It's been a special day eighteen years ago, not now" I said, sounding a little confused. He had to know I don't celebrate after all the time we've been together.

"It still is" Jake corrected me. He turned to me and smiled joyfully. "At least for me."

I blinked and looked down at my hands, warmth spreading all over my cheeks. He wasn't like that usually... he knew it's easy for me to blush and he was careful not to embarrass me with that kind of comments. Although it was very sweet actually and it made my heart melt.

"Anyway, I still don't get it" I admitted, glancing up at him.

He laughed softly and held my hand. "Haven't you missed this place?"

"I have."

"Then...?"

I looked away, knowing perfectly well I can't just ask him what's wrong. I mean, I could, but I wouldn't get an answer and I'd probably ruin the moment even more.

"The ice-cream, Andy" he reminded, chuckling a little.

I sighed and wiped the new trickle that was about to reach my hand, then searched for a garbage-can, because apparently I wasn't in a mood for ice-cream.

"Hey, don't throw it away" Jake protested. "Give it to me if you don't want it."

I shrugged my shoulders and put the funnel in his hand. "I guess I don't like the lemon flavor anymore."

Jake smiled, but didn't say anything. We walked in silence for awhile before he turned to me with a weird expression on his face. His eyes looked past me as if he was concentrated on something very important.

"J-jake?"

"Just thinking" he said and then smiled brightly. "Isn't it somehow odd that on this day, eighteen years ago, the love of my life was born and I didn't have any idea about it?"

Apart from my embarrassment, I was amused. "You were four at that time" I said, laughing sincerely. "How could you know?"

Jake made a face and turned away.

It was now that I really got what he said less than a minute ago. 'The love of his life'... he just told me he loved me. That was it! He dragged me here, because it was a special place and a special day, and he wanted to tell me these special words here and now.

He has never told me 'I love you', although I could feel it and that was what counts.

Oh, and I was so stupid!

"Jake... I... *cough*... um, I love you too" I confessed, looking down at my feet. He spun towards me and put his warm fingers under my chin, making me look at his eyes.

"Really?"

"Yes, silly!" I took his other hand in which was the ice-cream and shoved it into his face. His eyes widened as he realized what I've done; his nose and mouth, and jaw were all covered with ice-cream. "I... kind of sorry" I murmured innocently, giggling like a schoolgirl.

"Kind of... sorry?" he looked at me with reproof and I put a hand on my mouth, trying to stop giggling. Jake glanced at the ice-cream, then at me again as if he was wondering what to do next.

"N-no... n-no, Jake--"

But it was too late; I couldn't avoid it, because he had shoved the ice-cream into my face before I could even finish the sentence. He was bursting with laughter, but it wasn't so funny for me anymore.

...

I didn't know what the time is, but by the twilight outside I could tell it's after six in the evening. I was sitting at the arm-chair in front of the empty fireplace, but I raised my head and looked through the window from time to time, thinking about the flight tomorrow.

"I've made a blueberry pie, honey, your favorite" granny said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Do you want a piece?"

"No, thanks, granny." I replied. "By any chance, do you know when will Jake return?"

She shook her head, looking very happy and excited all of a sudden. "No, dear, he didn't tell me. If you don't know, then I don't know too."

I narrowed my eyes as I saw how hers were sparkling with eagerness, and knowledge I didn't have. Yes, she definitely knew something I didn't and she had no intention on telling me.

"And... why did he go out?" I continued with the questions, hoping she would have mercy on me. "Did he tell you this?"

"No, no..." she denied, waving her hand. "Why would he? It's not my business anyway."

I kept on looking suspiciously at her, but she was silent.

"Okay" I said and returned my gaze to the book I was reading.

"If there isn't anything more... I'll go to bed, I'm really tired" granny announced, kissed the top of my head and made for the stairs.

Her behavior was too unusual for me to believe she's all innocent and doesn't know anything. Actually, I was sure Jake had told her where he's going and when he'll return, but she kept it a secret. I was curious, of course, but I wouldn't push either of them; I knew how to make Jake tell me, without him even realizing what I'm doing.

The book started to bore me, but it was only seven o'clock and I wasn't tired at all. Besides, I was waiting for Jake, because I already missed him.

And then, when Lisa was going to confess her love for Adam, I heard a knock on the door. It had to be Jake, because my heart recognized him immediately and started to beat faster than a second ago. I jumped off the sofa and rushed towards the entrance like a little girl dashing through the first real snow for the year.

I caught my breath as I opened the door. He was there, in the milky twilight, looking at me as if I was his personal sun and smiling brightly.

"I missed you" I whispered and sighed in relief that he's finally here. Jake smirked and wrapped his arms around me, stepping forward slowly. He shut the door behind him.

"You really can't stand being without me, can you?"

I didn't answer, just buried my face in the curve of his shoulder and held him as tight as I could. He was right; I couldn't live without him even a day, but I had to... He was going to Venezuela next month for God knows how long.

"I have something for you" Jake said, pushing me gently off of him, so that he could look into my eyes. "I... I can only guess what your reaction will be, but I have to do it."

I swallowed hard as if I had a lump in my throat. He scared me with his unusual behavior nowadays. I began to suspect that something bad was going to happen, but then I saw his smile and I didn't know what to think anymore.

"Stop confusing me, Jake, please just tell me already!" I exclaimed, looking straight into his blue eyes. "You've been so weird lately and I don't have a clue what's happening!"

He smirked again and took my hand. "Okay, but first... come with me."

Before I could even realize what his intention is, Jake brought me out the house and into the large poppy field. He was holding my hand; his fingers intertwined with mine.

He finally stopped and turned to me, looking very serious.

"I know you probably don't expect to hear this, but..."

"Just tell me!"

Jake smiled a little at my impatience and stroked my cheek with his other hand. "I want to wake up one day when I'm sixty and see you sleeping next to me" he said, staring in my eyes without even blinking. "I want to... I want you to be my wife. I want to spend my life with you."

I was stunned... I was so shocked to hear this. From _his_ mouth! No other but Jake... No, no, that man in front of me couldn't be the Jake I knew! But I was frozen up and couldn't even make a shocked expression. And then he continued. "Look, I realize what I'm asking of you, you're still so young, but I don't have all the time in the world. We don't have it..." he looked away for a second, long enough for me to take a breath, which I'd forgotten to do for awhile.

"Jake--"

"We don't have to get married now. I just want to have your 'yes' before I go to Venezuela." He interrupted, looking at me again so intensively that I blushed in a light shade of pink.

"You know... if I say 'yes' now... you'll really have to marry me at some point."

He laughed softly and put a hand on my cheek, caressing my lips with his thumb. "I'm perfectly aware of this." Jake replied.

My gaze dropped down and I took a sharp breath before I said anything more. Did I want to spend my life with him? Yes, definitely. But what would people say? What would they think of me? And how would my mother react? She'd probably think I've lost my mind or... or I'm pregnant. And besides, who gets married these days?

"Nobody needs to know." Jake said as if he could read my mind. "After all, we're both matured enough and it's our business... Andy, please. Say 'yes'."

I closed my eyes for a second. I had to choose now.

"Yes. You have my 'yes'" I whispered and opened my eyes to find his face only centimeters away from mine. Then I closed my eyes again, because he wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips to mine.

"Thank you" he murmured, breaking the kiss, and then pulled me tighter to him. "Ah and... the ring." He reminded himself and the next thing I knew – he slipped a ring on my finger and the cold silver made me shiver.

"That's why you went out."

He smiled and nodded shortly; then kissed me one more time.

_**TBC**_

**_As it have occured to you, this chapter is a retrospection. Sorry for leaving you with cliffhanger till the next one, but... I felt it's necessary to write this moment._**

**_Please review, tell me what you think about it and how you feel. I want to know what I could do to improve the story and my English as well._**


	5. Chapter 6

_**A/N I don't own Avatar**_

_**I was ready with this chapter two weeks ago, but I felt unsure about whether it's good or not… and my editor is not here to tell me her opinion. First I want to thank you everyone for your reviews and tell you how happy you made me. Thanks to **__smashbrawlguy **and** Na'vi Eltu **for the constructive criticism, it's so nice to know someone cares enough to point out your wrongs. **_

_**I wrote this chapter in Bulgarian and then translated it in English, because I wanted to make it longer. Also, **Na'vi Eltu** said the story is a little dry and I agree, but it's hard for me to think in English… I hope now it's okay. **_

_**Thanks again. **_

_I felt shivers down my spine and suddenly I was very cold. He was standing there, looking at me with confusion. The children were tugging his arm, asking for his attention, but he was just as frozen as me. _

"_Jake..." my lips trembled._

Chapter 5

I had to be going crazy. I couldn't be so stupid to come here, thinking everything would be perfect again after what happened between us. There was no way for me to think I can just say 'hi' and smile to him like these six years never existed. I had to be completely out of my mind.

Suddenly my hope crashed down as I remembered clearly what we said to each other and how we parted. No, I couldn't pretend we're still what we were.

"What are you doing here?" he asked with a shade of irritation in his tone, making me realize how unexpected and unwelcomed I was.

All beautiful memories, all words of affection lost their value, when I saw the look in his eyes. For a moment he was unsure, he didn't know if he can trust his eyes, but then he looked at Grace and when his gaze returned to me it was full of bitterness.

"Andy is an Avatar driver, she works here." Grace answered instead of me, because I was numb and incapable of speaking. I couldn't take my eyes off Jake's and I think I was still trembling, because Grace put her hand on my shoulder and told me to rub my temples; it could help me 'if I'm nervous'. Too bad it wasn't nervousness that I felt at the moment.

"And why, damn it, you didn't tell me anything about it?!"

While he was yelling, the same female from before walked towards him. She stopped then and wrapped her arms around his. I didn't hear what she told him, because she whispered it softly in his ear, but it was clear she was trying to calm him. And much to my surprise, he actually cooled down and looked at her as if she was the most amazing thing in the world.

Then I understood.

It was the same way he used to look at me.

I can't explain what I felt next, because the feelings were too complicated even for me. A mix of pain, shock, denial and some strange relief went through my body, leaving me completely helpless and confused. My subconsciousness was denying the possibility for Jake to ever be with someone else. We were 'Jake and Andy', for god's sake! Even after that last fight, even after he left, I knew we still have a chance. I knew that one day, sooner or later, we will be what we were, we will be whole again.

In that split second I felt something in my chest breaking. I wasn't sure whether it was my silly, naïve heart that kept on believing, or the belief itself, which I'd kept near my heart.

I knew I looked terrible. My eyes were probably widened from the shock and my face – nearly blank, as if I just saw a ghost. But I couldn't do anything, I didn't have any strength. I didn't know how I should act. What should I do? I couldn't even imagine it.

Since Jake left, I believed I've become strong. But now I understood that actually I was the same fragile girl, whose heart was breaking, while she was taking goodbye with her love. The same fragile girl, who had to part with him again... this time without the promise for return. But with hope.

I realized that girl was just covered under the brand new wrapper of a woman. The woman I had to be – strong and composed. The woman I wasn't.

But what was stopping me from pretending?

"If you have a problem with this, Jake, why don't you talk to Selfridge? He's the one who hired me."

Jake looked at me, because it appear I managed to catch his attention. The whole anger had gone and now I saw confusion in his eyes. Nobody had told him anything. I thought he knew, but it seemed no. And still it didn't justify his behavior.

"Get a hold of yourself. Just accept the fact that we're going to work together."

I know this wasn't the best way to put the things, but my words were addressed to me too. I also had to get a hold of myself, because suddenly the thought of working with him in the next six years made me freeze. Literally.

Jake was silent, looking at me as confused as before. I guessed it was hard for him too, so I was silent myself. I didn't want to make it worse. I didn't want to make him feel bad.

And then the girl next to him looked at me questionnaire.

"Jake, do you know each other?" she asked seriously and quite. He didn't answer.

"Do you need me to take you away from here?" Grace whispered, anxious for me. "I can make a very good excuse; you only need to tell me."

I said nothing. No, I didn't want to go yet, not in the middle of the... conversation.

"Is this what you've been trying to tell me?" I replied with a question, just as quiet. I didn't need a real answer from her, I already knew it was positive.

Without me expecting it, Jake's girl stepped forward to me. She turned her head back to him and looked at his eyes briefly before returning her gaze to my face. She stopped in front of us and greeted in na'vi first Grace, and then – me, awkwardly, in my opinion.

"Accept my gratitude for helping Tsu'tey." She said and became silent, expecting an answer.

"For nothing" I replied, feeling somehow uncomfortable.

"How are you called?"

"Andy"

She smiled slightly. "I am Neytiri." She presented herself. "Jake told me he knows you from a long time. It's interesting for me to meet someone from his past."

"Okay, that's enough." Jake interrupted. "You know each other already. Now I have to talk to Andy."

I felt Grace's worried eyes on me again and I knew she's concerned about me. Now was the moment for me to disappear and I would do it, although it wouldn't solve the problem, only delay it. But now delaying sounded very good to me. I needed a little time to prepare for the long conversation we had to have.

But for this purpose, I had to play a certain role.

"Actually, it's not the perfect time now. I'm tired and I know you have a lot of things to ask me. And you won't stop till you get a nice, long description of the past few years." I forced a smile on my face. "He's such a child sometimes." This was to Neytiri who gave me an understanding look and a short laughter.

But Jake didn't buy into my acting. He knew me too well. And at the same time, I could tell, he was surprised.

"As you wish." He replied.

"I'm coming with you." Grace said, making me look at her. I nodded slightly.

...

I opened my eyes curtly and took a sharp breath. Now, when I was alone, I could devote myself to the feelings that was taking over me, and that was what I intended on doing.

But I had priorities.

I lifted the hood of the link and sat up, wiping off the tears running down my cheeks before someone had the opportunity to see me. There was only one thing more important than me and my emotional condition, and that was Jas.

I looked through the window, searching for him, because I remembered he was playing outside with Trudy when I left. But he wasn't there so I started to look for him in the base. I came out the chamber and went to the main room before Grace got up.

My heart started beating normally when I saw him, covered with a blanket in the link. I must have been away for a very long time...

"He's okay, I made macaroni with cheese and put him to sleep. He said you read to him sometimes before sleeping." Trudy said, showing me the book in her hands. I looked at her and smiled thankfully.

"I don't know what I would do–" I didn't finish. I took the book smiling, Trudy knew what I meant. I opened to the first page and read the title. The book was so old, from my grandmother's youth. I closed it and put it on the small table near me, because it brought sad memories.

I looked at my son's cute, sleeping face and I smiled widely, without realizing it. He was sleeping so quiet, steadily and in complete ignorance about what was happening around him. I felt so guilty when I became aware I lied to him. But I was doing it for his own good, wasn't I? I was doing it, because I wanted him to keep on sleeping in complete ignorance. 'Ignorance is bliss', granny used to say.

And now I couldn't tell him, even if I wanted to. Because now there were other factors my decision was affected by. Now I was keeping the secret not only for his happiness and tranquility, but for Jake's as well. Even though I was in pain, because of him, I had no right to come here and ruin his life.

I bent forward and kissed Jas' forehead gently. I ran my fingers through his damp hair and pulled down the blanket, because he had started to sweat. "I'm going out for a little while." I said quietly, turning my head to Trudy. "Would you tell Grace not to worry, I'll come back right away."

Trudy wrinkled her forehead for a moment, but then she nodded.

"Thank you" I whispered and headed for the exit, putting an exopack on. I walked fast, hurrying to get as far from the base as possible. Far enough for me to know no one sees me. When a thin veil of dusk covered the earth, I began to run; I had promised to be back in a minute and Jas could wake up any moment. Finally I reached the edge of the cliff and stopped. I looked back to make sure the shacks are only tiny spots in the background. I was breathing heavily from the effort and the long distance I had run. I closed my eyes ad stood still for a while. When I opened my eyes again I knew what was wrong and what I had to do. I felt tears but I gulped them and raised my left hand to eye level. The ring was still there, claiming his possession on me.

I had worn it for so long. Every other woman would take it off after what happened between me and Jake. Every other woman would stop believing in fairytales and happy endings, but not me. I was foolish.

Not anymore. I wasn't his anymore... and he wasn't mine. So I took off the ring curtly and threw it into the nothing. I felt a huge weight in my chest, but I knew I did right.

On my way back I was just as fast as before. It was dark and Jake had probably returned. I could only hope he hadn't for I needed a little more time. I wasn't ready for the talk with him, because I was sure I won't be able to hold back my tears once we start talking about the past. And the present... his present, which didn't involve me. His life in which I wasn't needed anymore.

I opened the door and crowded in. I passed the second before taking off the mask. I heard noises, everyone was there. Before I could make even a step forward, Grace appeared and looked at me anxious and somehow apologetic.

"Hello again." I heard Jake's voice behind her and a moment later he was in front of me. But he wasn't the Jake I remembered, his hair was shorter and he had a beard. "I think it's time we talked."

I sighed partly in relief, because he didn't look angry or upset. I was sure he didn't know, Grace wouldn't tell him and no one else knew. "Yes. Let's go to the link-room." I suggested, considering this room was distant enough from the place where Jas was sleeping. But first I had to make sure he isn't awake. "Grace is he..?"

"Still asleep." She said. "He woke up once asking for you and then fell asleep again."

My heart clenched; I was such a terrible mother for leaving him to someone else all day. And now it wasn't right to wake him up, although I needed to embrace him and tell him I missed him.

"Are we going?" Jake pressed.

I bit my lower lip and nodded. I looked at Grace again and she told me with her eyes that everything was okay. I guess she had talked to him already and told him something uncertain but enough to satisfy his curiosity. I nodded again and followed Jake into the link-room. I felt unpleasant lump in my throat but I wasn't able to swallow.

Finally Jake stopped pumping the wheels of his chair and turned to me. I leaned on a link and lowered my eyes, refusing to start first. The silence lasted a minute and then he decided what he wanted to know the most. "You have a son?" he asked unexpectedly quiet.

"Yes." I replied shortly.

"I asked Grace. She said you haven't talked about the father. So who is he? Did you just leave him on Earth?" I could clearly hear suspicion in his voice.

I wasn't sure what he meant with that question.

Jas looked completely like me and Jake didn't have any reason to think about... God, even I'd had no reason to think I was pregnant, but then... Moreover, it wasn't possible that he thought I had just forget him, met somebody and figured out I want to have a child with him, was it?

I reminded myself I had to keep calm. I'd already thought about how to respond to this kind of questions and I wasn't going to tell him the truth. It would be too selfish to ruin his happiness. Jake was with someone else now. I didn't have the _right_ to tell him.

"I decided I want a baby and I had a baby. It's very easy nowadays." I said, looking into his eyes to make it sound trustworthy. I first met the same suspicion which later turned into anger.

"Spare me that bullshits, Andy, I know you!" he said abruptly. "You were hesitating even for the marriage, because 'you were too young', but then I leave and you figure out you want a baby?!"

I knew he was going to bring this up. But I hadn't prepared a reply for it. It had to look real, so I decided to give to my emotions. And anger was the most logical reaction.

"That's right, you left! I was alone, I wanted somebody to love. And after all, _you_ were the one who put an end of my dream for a family and children!"

Jake didn't say anything more; his face was twisted in a painful grimace. I had hurt him.

I'd told him so many times it's not necessary for us to have a baby the usual way, that it's enough for me just to have a child with him, no matter how exactly. After the accident there was no chance for us to have a common family, but I used to say it was alright. I didn't know we were already going to be parents... But I was right for something – it was his fault that he left, that he didn't stay to help me resolve our problems. That he didn't give me the right to chose how I wanted to spend my life and made that decision for me.

"I don't understand you, Jake! You said you 'don't want to do this to me', you said it would be much better for me if you left, but this doesn't apply to her?!" I felt all of the anger coming back. Anger and pain, they were so strong they made me yell. The memories became so vivid and clear as if I was going through it again.

His eyes narrowed. He was angry too and I had the feeling we were going to make a row. I was glad I had chosen this room; this way there was minimum possibility for Jas to hear us and wake up.

"It's different! She doesn't ruin her life over me!"

"Oh, really?! So when you set off after six years pass... oh, dear God. You don't intend to leave, do you?" At the beginning I was yelling but then I lowered my voice gradually. My eyes widened, when I found out the truth – he didn't think about returning back to Earth. He had decided to stay here with her... in spite of everything.

Jake didn't deny. I felt his eyes on me, but he was silent. That was enough, it said much more than I wanted to know. Way too much.

My eyes filled with tears again. He loved her. He loved her despite everything, he wanted to leave behind his whole life, to overcome every hindrance. He wasn't ready to do something like this for me. He left when we faced the first real problem. I didn't mean to him what she did.

I believed in destiny. I believed nothing happened by chance. I believed there was a reason for everything and some things are just written. But this faith did little to relive my pain. I didn't know I was crying till Jake drew near me and reached to wipe off my tears. Then I realized I was sobbing quietly. I pulled back.

"Please don't cry." he whispered softly.

"Damn you, Jake..." my voice was weak and I wasn't able to shout it as I intended to do. He didn't withdraw. I saw the guilt and sadness in his eyes and hated to make him feel this way but I couldn't be selfless now. "I can't believe you've forgotten me!"

"I haven't"

"I can't believe I don't mean anything to you anymore! You were such a huge part of my life, Jake! And I was part of yours! I was your Andy, how could you forget that!"

I couldn't believe _we_ were just one of many memories. He was the first boy who told me I was beautiful, the first boy who kissed me. And the last. The only one. I refused to accept this could be just another memory. Or even worse – be forgotten by him.

I wanted to be happy for Jake. He had found a woman he could forget all this for. He had found the right for him. The woman I wasn't. And deep down in me I knew it was destiny. It was written.

But I wasn't able to be happy at this very moment.

"Come on, Andy, you know it's not like that." He said gently, trying to soothe me. "I can never forget you. It's just that... it's not the same anymore."

I hadn't realize he'd come closer to me until he made me sit into his lap. My body was so numb I didn't have the strength to resist. Jake wrapped his arms around me and tried again to wipe off my tears but I turned my head to the other side.

"You'll always be the first girl I apologized to. The first I felt in love with." He whispered. "But we weren't meant for each other. And you know it too."

I don't know how but Jake had the incredible ability to calm me and even now, when I felt broken and wanted to hate him, he was about to change my emotional state completely. I turned my head to face him and let him erase the traces of cry on my face. I closed my eyes and relaxed in his arms.

These six years without him had dulled my feelings for him, but I still felt love. I cared about him deeply.

"Calm down. You'll wake up your son."

In the moment I heard Jake call Jas 'your son' a realized everything is simpler than I was making it seem. We weren't 'Andy and Jake' and we haven't been for years. He hadn't promised me anything, I was the one who kept on hoping. But he hadn't promised. We weren't a family, we didn't have a son.

"You're right" I whispered "I'll wake up my son."

I put his arms away gently and rose up. I turned around and looked into his blue eyes. The same eyes that used to make me go crimson when I was younger. I didn't blush this time. As I was looking into his eyes I found affection and I was sure he still cared about me too. I knew time was going to pass and heal me. I knew someday I'd find the right person too and I'd be able to look at Jake the same way he looked at me now, without bitterness and sorrow.

"Mom" I suddenly heard Jas's voice behind me and shortly turned to him.

_**TBC**_


	6. Chapter 7

_**A/N **_

_**Finally the chapter is ready. Thanks to jazz-sparks who was so kind to help me and edited it! **_

Chapter 7

"What is it, honey?" I asked smiling sweetly, hoping it wasn't obvious that I'd been crying till now.

"You were fighting," he explained. "Grace told me not to come. She told me the grown-ups fight sometimes, but I haven't heard you fight with anyone..."

I got closer to him, kneeled on the floor and hugged him tightly. I stroked his back and withdrew to look into his tiny face. He was so naïve. And it was completely my fault, because I was the one who separated him from the rest of the world.

"Grace is right, grown-ups fight sometimes," I told him. "And you… you should have gone to bed a long time ago. You know I don't tolerate staying late."

Jas's eyes shifted to the floor in guilt and then rose towards me.

"You were both yelling and I woke up," he said quietly looking over my shoulder at Jake. I turned my head backwards to see his confused expression. He moved forward slowly, looking directly at Jas. "You… I don't want you to yell at my mother. You should have more respect for a lady!"

I placed my palm on my mouth to stop the laughter. He was so cute trying to defend his mother, like a little knight in shiny armor.

"You're right," Jake agreed softly, nodding his head. After a second his wheelchair stopped next to me. "And I promise we won't fight anymore. Your mother and I figured things out." I felt his gaze on me but I didn't take my eyes off Jas.

"What kind of things?" he insisted and I saw angry flames in his green orbs.

"Various."

"Alright, captain, let's go to bed," I interrupted the conversation, lifting Jas up in my arms. "It's too late for you to be awake."

"But I want to talk with Jake, as a man with a man! No one yells at my mother!" he continued looking at me with pleading eyes. I held him close bringing my lips near his ear to whisper: "We'll talk tomorrow, honey, it's really late now. And don't scold Jake too much because it's not all his fault."

"But he was yelling at you!" Jas looked at me in disbelief.

Then I felt someone pulling the edge of my waistcoat gently. I turned and saw Jake reaching out his arms. I didn't understand the gesture at first but when he looked at Jas I knew what he wanted. And I got more scared than ever.

Should I give Jas to him?

No, it wasn't _that_ easy. It wasn't just about whether I would let him hold Jas for a while or not. It was about them getting close to each other. Until now, what I wanted the most was for Jas to be with his father and for Jake to know his son. But it was different now and I didn't know what to do. Also… deep down in me I felt jealousy. I had never shared my son before. I was used to be the most important person in his life. In both their lives.

But now it really was different. I gave him my son with trembling hands, looking inquisitively into his blue eyes. He was looking at me too, making me shiver. As if he knew. It was so scary… I was sure I would know if I were him. I would feel it instinctively.

"Hey," he began, shifting his eyes from me to Jas. I held my breath, praying. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me. Apologize to my mother."

"He already did, honey, now let's go to bed," I interrupted them. Jake shot me a reproaching glance, which made me feel very weird. And angry. He didn't have any right to reproach me. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"As your mother said… we already apologized to each other. And we figured things out. We won't fight anymore because we exhausted the subject. Right, Andy?"

"That's right," I agreed forcing a smile on my face.

Jas was staring at me with suspicion in his eyes but then he just nodded slightly. Now my smile became genuine, I lifted him in my arms and without saying anything more, I got out the room. I walked past the small hallway and reached the room where Grace, Norm and Trudy were preparing the dinner. I waved at them and put Jas to bed at the link. I covered him with a thin blanket and kissed his forehead.

"What about the good-night-tale?" he asked.

"It doesn't count. You were already officially asleep and the story is only when you go to bed the first time."

He pouted and closed his eyes. I stroked his hair, sighing softly. Then I turned to Grace who was looking separated from the conversation between Norm and Trudy. She was watching me anxiously as if she expected me to sunk down on the floor and burst in tears any moment. If Jas had heard us fighting, then she surely had too.

"Will you help me with the unpacking?" I requested knowing she'd understand what I meant.

"Yes, I'm coming" Grace said getting up.

"Good night, Jas." I whispered, bending slightly. "Good night, Norm, Trudy."

I set for the link-room just when Jake came in. I gave him a quick glance, whished him good night and kept on walking. I stopped right in front of my link and saw there was no blanket so I took one from the nearest dresser.

"He… doesn't…"

"He doesn't know," I confirmed guessing what she was going to ask. "We started a fight because… because…"

"You didn't know about her. I'm sorry, I tried to tell you."

"It's not your fault," I said. "It was just too much for me."

"Well, I guess."

For a while we just stood there without saying anything. I knew she was only a touch away and I could reach her if I wanted to. I could hold her; I could start crying and tell her how I really felt. I could imagine for a moment that she was my mother… I used to do it when I was a child and mom wasn't there. But instead I said:

"Whatever. It's fine, really."

"Andy…"

"No, it is. It really is. Don't worry about me, I only need some sleep."

"So you have no intention to dine with us."

"No," I said. "I'm not hungry. I'm going to bed."

"As you wish," Grace replied and turned to go. But then she came back and embraced me warmly. I was a little surprised for a moment but then I answered with the same. My eyes filled with tears and I wanted to cry so much. I knew she wouldn't mind. She might even be relived, it was a normal thing to do in a situation like this. But I didn't cry.

"Good night," I said, withdrawing.

"You sure?" Grace asked, her eyes full of concern. I nodded and tried to smile, even though she wouldn't buy it. But she just sighed and went out of the room, turning the lights off. I laid down in the link and closed my eyes. I had the feeling that I couldn't sleep, but it turned out I was actually really tired.

…

"He's healing well" I noted pulling the bandage to clean the wound. "Really fast."

"And when will he open his eyes?" Mo'at asked concerned.

I shook my head slowly. I didn't know. I lowered my eyes to the limp body before me and I felt terrified. It was the body of a strong man, a warrior, but it was lying so helplessly on the ground. I bit my lip and dipped a piece of cotton into the water then rubbed his wound with it, placing my hand on his chest where his heartbeat was easiest to feel. It was normal, just as it should be.

He was alive, he was healing.

"I have to go to the others," Mo'at said in a relation with the voices outside. I hadn't heard them until now.

"Yes… don't worry, I'll stay here with him."

"And after that you will come too."

"Alright," I agreed and returned my gaze to Tsu'tey.

After I had fomented the wound and put a new bandage, I started checking up for broken ribs. I couldn't be sure without an X-ray but every time I touched this certain place he would convulse in pain. I didn't know what to do, I felt so useless.

"I'm so sorry… I know I'm of no use at all… I'm sorry."

I took my hands off him and put them in my lap.

"If you could only open your eyes for awhile. Just to tell me how exactly you feel," I whispered. I bit my lip and reached out my arm at him. Then suddenly my fingers were touching his face gently and I was looking at him intensely. Now, when I wasn't pushing anywhere it seemed that the pain was insignificant. It seemed as if he was sleeping. But I knew it wasn't possible for him to be so relaxed.

"Do you feel pain? Does the wound ache? It has to… Oh, please just show me…"

But my voice broke off when his eyelids fluttered. I got closer to him without realizing it and looked at his eyes which were opening slowly. They were light, golden like everyone else's… but his were darkened and full of pain. And still he didn't quiver, didn't gave out a moan.

His gaze was directed at me, his eyes fixed on mine. I could neither turn my head, nor withdraw backwards, I couldn't even speak. I didn't know if was aware of everything around him, he looked rather confused and unsure but at least he was conscious.

"Do you see me?" I asked sounding foolish and uncertain.

"Who...?" his voice was hoarse and weak but I could recognize the word and it assured me he saw.

In this moment I felt really pathetic. I couldn't help him with the little medical knowledge I had. But even if I could, I was scared and confused myself and I couldn't think rational. That was the reason which made me give up medicine – the terrifying panic I felt in the presence of people who needed help.

"I… I'm here to help you… but…"

And then his eyes closed. I knew he was unconscious again but it didn't stop me from shaking him slightly.

"No, no, no…" I whispered with a hint of hysteria in my voice. "No, please, wait! I have to ask you…"

But it was pointless. I left him on the bed of leaves and twitched my arms. I felt useless again but I knew I couldn't just sit here doing nothing it was of no help for him. I closed my eyes for a moment remembering the painful expression on his face. Mo'at would prepare something like a painkiller, I had to tell her. That I had to be able to prepare painkillers myself.

I stood up and went down the wooden spiral in the center of the Home tree passing a lot of Na'vi who would turn after me and give me a look full of curiosity, then say something to each other. I could easily understand them if I paid attention.

It was almost funny when I recalled the way my classmates used to gossip and compared it to the way these people talked so openly. But my expression didn't change and no laughter came from of my mouth. I was searching for Mo'at and saw her talking with two young girls. I went to them and, as rude as it might have appeared, interrupted their conversation.

"Mo'at, he opened his eyes," I told her surprised by the tragic tone of my voice. It had to be the reason she didn't seem very pleased. As if she expected bad news. "But it wasn't long," I continued. "He is in pain. And… could you send someone to stay with him… and start my education now?"

She nodded slowly, concerned, but at the same time, not as frightened as I thought she would be. That reminded me calm down a little. Mo'at turned to one of the girls and told her to go to Tsu'tey and stay with him till we came back. Then she turned to me, looked into my eyes and said:

"Come, I will show you. You will understand… you are not like the other Sky people."

"How do you know that?"

"They hurt him, you saved his life. And you are worried about him although he is not one of your people."

I lowered my gaze and said nothing. Mo'at started for the forest and I followed her.

In the moment we got away from the village, I saw Jake and Neytiri walking towards the Home tree and holding hands. They stopped only for a moment, Neytiri smiled at me and Jake just nodded slightly. But I couldn't bring myself to smile at her in return so I waved my hand without stopping.

There was something that caught my attention – I didn't feel pain. I thought I would be heartbroken to see them act like a couple but I wasn't. It was awkward though so I hurried to pass them sooner.

Mo'at showed me different herbs and taught me to pronounce their names for the whole day. I already knew most of them because Grace's book was the first I had read when they offered me the job. But it was interesting to learn how exactly to prepare them and in which case or way to use them.

In the evening, when it got dark, we came back to the village. Mo'at led me to the others who were having dinner. I was surprised to see Grace among them because I knew what her relationship with the clan was. But she smiled and waved to show me to sit with her. Everybody was sitting in a circle, so I had to disturb some Na'vi in order to get to her. I even was so clumsy to step on one of the girl's tail. She seemed pretty upset and hissed at me.

Jake was watching me with amusement from the other side of the fire and Neytiri was quarrelling over him for something, but she didn't look serious about it. I smirked and sat next to Grace, taking my eyes off of them.

"You're here," I noted with questionnaire intonation.

"Yes," she said, "It seems that our interrelation is getting better."

"Well, that's good news."

"Yes, and I think it's thanks to you."

"No," I shook my head, "It has nothing to do with me."

Grace smiled warmly.

"How was your day?" She asked to change the subject. "Some interesting plants out there?"

"Nothing you don't know about," I replied.

Then my thoughts went back to Tsu'tey. Who was staying with him now? Actually, I had been thinking about him for the whole day. But now I was here, I could go and see him. I could try to prepare some painkillers, but Mo'at claimed that a warrior was able to take much more pain and I shouldn't be worrying about him.

Yes, I had to check on him.

"I'm going to Tsu'tey," I told Grace and got on my feet without paying attention to the look she gave me. I set for Mo'at because the herbs were still with her. It was as if she knew exactly what I was going to do and just gave me the big leaf that served as a packet for the herbs, without asking any questions.

"He is alone at the moment," she said and returned to her previous activity.

Jake and Neytiri were sitting near the exit. As I was passing, she smiled at me again and this time I did the same. But Jake stood up and stopped me. He looked just like an upset father whose daughter was trying to sneak from home at the middle of the night.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked. "We're having dinner."

"I noticed. You can have dinner without me… I think Tsu'tey needs some medicine so if you'll excuse me…"

"Are you avoiding me?"

I raised me eyebrows confused. Avoiding him? I haven't thought about it that way… But it sounded kind of immature to me.

"No, Jake, I'm not avoiding you," I said emphasizing every word. "I just have to work."

He narrowed his eyes and looked at me inquisitively. Then he made room for me to get trough. I hurried to go to Tsu'tey. I found him the way I had left him – lying on the bed of leaves. I sighed and kneel near his head putting the herbs in front of me.

I took the one that relieved pain and grinded it carefully in some wooden cup. Then I emptied the cup into the bowl of water near Tsu'tey's body. At the end it had to be something like tea. And when it was ready, I put his head in my lap and lifted his upper body. I tried to make him drink but a huge part of the substance just spilled out on him.

"Please… you heard me before when I was pleading," I whispered into his ear. "It will relieve your pain. I know… you can do without it, but please do it for me."

I hoped he heard me. I hoped he would drink at least a tiny sip. But he didn't. I put the bowl away and let his head lie in my lap. I stroked his hair gently I sighed heavily. It was all so crazy…

"You know… I really wish you'd get better," I said looking at his face. I brushed it with my fingertips slowly unconsciously. When I realized what I had just done, I pulled back.

…

It had already been a week since we arrived on Pandora. Fortunately Jake and Neytiri were away most of the time and in the evening Jake was too tired to spend much time with us. This meant he wasn't very close to Jas. And when he did have time and wasn't so tired, I would do anything I could to keep my son away from him. I would play games with him, take him on a walk, read to him. Anything to make sure there was no interaction between them.

Soon I found out something I was afraid of. Jake was smiling when he was with him. There were those days I couldn't come up with something interesting enough to take Jas away from the shacks. And then Jake would start talking to him. At moments like this he looked like one of those fathers in the movies. There was a time when I used to imagine how cute they would be together. But now I couldn't just sit and watch how they get closer and closer, knowing I had to leave this place with Jas eventually.

And what would I do if they found out the truth?

But at the same time there was something else. I couldn't help myself from getting more and more attached to somebody. I was spending a lot of time with Tsu'tey, who still hadn't awoken. And it was dangerous because it was possible that he would never awaken.

I just couldn't help myself. Every evening I would stay with him doing nothing more than sitting on the ground. But tonight I had to go to the others. The village celebrated and Grace said it would be impolite not to be there. So I had to go even if I wasn't in a mood for celebrating.

I looked at his face and caressed it softly. I felt uneasy about leaving him here alone. I suspected it was written on my face that I didn't want to go, but I didn't want them to know that either. So I tried to smile.

"The village is celebrating…" I whispered. "You have to be there. Do you know how much they miss you?"

His expression didn't change, his eyes remained closed.

"Please… I know it's hard for you but at least try. Open your eyes. I'll be waiting for you downstairs ready to help you as much as I can."

I put my hand on his chest and closed my eyes. I wished he heard my plea.

"Andy… it is time." I heard Mo'at's voice and startled. I opened my eyes curtly and turned my head to her. My eyes met hers and for a second I saw hostility in her gaze. I pulled back my hand immediately and stood up. I nodded soundlessly and followed her.

The celebration was a whole lot different than what I imagined. It was quiet, there was no music, no dances. I sat next to Grace who greeted me with a slight nod of her head. At first I wondered if someone had died. And then it came to my mind. Yes, today was a holiday, it was some kind of tradition but Tsu'tey wasn't among them and they didn't feel like celebrating. They were doing it by obligation.

"Improvement?" Grace asked.

"Almost nothing," I replied with obvious sadness in my voice. She looked at me a little surprised and then sighed.

"You really shouldn't get so fond of him."

"I-I… I am not. I'm not fond of him."

"Andy, come!" Jake shouted at me attracting my attention immediately along with some reproaching looks from a few Na'vi. I shook my head laughing quietly. I stood and made me way towards him.

"Do you have any idea how many times I called you?"

"Well, it's hard to hear 'Andy'," I said. "It would be different if my name was something like 'Andromeda' or 'Agnificya'"

"You're not being funny."

"At least I'm trying. What do you need me for?"

Neytiri laughed softly taking his hand in hers. "I don't trust him when he says he can drink a whole bottle of beer in less than two minutes. He is just joking, isn't he?"

"Jake, this is childish," I said and then turned to Neytiri. "Of course he is joking."

"Oh, come on, you know I can. You saw me that time."

"You mean when you got drunk and told everybody you had a magical lighter?" I asked. "Then, yes, you can. But you better not. I still remember how you were cursing when the lighter didn't take you to India."

Neytiri laughed hard at this and Jake looked at me deadly. But it was funny, actually. He was so drunk that evening that he didn't remember anything in the morning.

But suddenly the expression on his face changed from slightly amused to shocked. As if he saw a ghost. I looked at Neytiri who told me with her eyes to turn around. Then I realized everybody had become very quiet. Nobody was speaking, nobody was moving. Everyone was looking at something behind me.

I turned very slowly and carefully feeling my blood freezing. But there behind me was no ghost. It was Tsu'tey. He was standing on his feet looking directly at me. I was filled with overwhelming joy but tried to hide it and act casually.

Suddenly his hand was on my chest, where he could feel my heart beating. He then took my hand and placed it on his chest over his pulse point the same way I did when he couldn't breathe. Exactly the same gesture.

This time I felt my blood getting very hot. The warmth spread over my cheeks and I lowered my gaze. The place where his hand was burned the same way my palm did. My head was so heavy and dizzy and I couldn't move a centimeter.

"You could just say 'thank you'," I said, my voice sounding lower than I intended and somehow faint.

"Thank you," he replied seriously.

I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled my hand out of his grip and took his hand off of me.

**_Comment, let me know what you think, what you like or don't like._**


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